CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!!!!

Yes this is cross posted to almost all my blogs so if you have seen this already, sorry...

I swear it. I am really beginning to hate him, and I don't want to hate. I am ranting here so bare with me. See I have this man that had once been in my life. He adopted me and tried to act like a father to me. That is fine and dandy. I am sure he did his best. But ... I have learned he is a self centered person for the most part. Always trying to put sympathy on him. I admit things haven't been the best for anyone. And I am not saying that things are any worse for me than him. I don't personally care. It was his own ways that destroyed his marriage to my mother. My sister and I never wanted anything to do with him, but we did what we had to do.

Out of respect, every year once I had my own money, I bought Father's Day cards and Christmas gifts. I called him while I was in college, to see how he was doing. I was TRYING to be a daughter. But apparently that wasn't good enough. Because nothing I did mattered when it came to him. My sister never even tried. Always begged me to put her name on the gifts, but she never called to say hi. Only to ask him for money or help with something. I at least TRIED. She was only using him.

Yes, he did help me get a vehicle... A LEASED vehicle. Now WHO in their right mind gives a TEENAGER going to COLLEGE a LEASED vehicle? I had $500 I wanted to spend on some car off the side of the road that would get me around. I didn't want anything brand new and certainly didn't want a leased vehicle I was going to have to return later. It didn't makes sense to me to spend that kind of money and I always complained about it. I was grateful for the vehicle, sure, but I would have been just as grateful with something off the side of the road.

It didn't help that before the company he worked for went bankrupt, he was sent to Ohio twice with that same vehicle. He told me he would cover the mileage for those trips. But after the bankruptcy did he even THINK about that option anymore? I am mostly betting on not. and I KNEW that would happen. I knew it was a horrible idea. Being 18 though... I was young and stupid and I felt taken advantage of. I felt forced to take over that lease. Anyone can ask my mom and friends. They would all say the same on how much I hated being in that lease. To make matters worse is the stupid fan on the truck snapped off 1 week prior to when I was to turn in that truck. Which would have left me once again with no vehicle and I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Dan disowned me by then and I had no idea what I was doing. No one to help me. What did he expect. I will say it again. I HATED THAT LEASE!!! All I wanted was a vehicle of my own that I DID NOT have to give back. but here is where the good parts come in... good as in the bad gets worse...

During my wedding, my mother had not made it to the courthouse ceremony. She was trying to get a few things set up at the restaurant and get the cake finished and get ready. She was heartbroken that she missed it and she had no help to get ready. My sister was supposed to but she didn't. So what does he do? He tells my grandparents that she was too busy drnking to even make it to my wedding. And he goes on to tell them about the time he helped to get her out of jail when she had mistakenly taken medicine with 1 drink of alcohol. She had never wanted them to know about that and he KNEW this. So he goes and tells them anyone ON MY WEDDING DAY!!!!

He was supposed to take care of the dinner tab for the reception as mom had taken care of everything else. What does he do? He borrows money from my Great grandmother. It was one thing after another. I hated him for the things he said about my mother. Eric and I had been so worried we wanted to go and check on her. Dan had the nerve to order us NOT to. He honestly DID NOT want us to go looking for her. We didn't listen and went anyway. She is my MOTHER. I am going to go LOOK for her if I WANT to and I wasn't going to let HIM stop me. To make things even MORE interesting.. he started telling everyone that he was just "taking care of your messes" . He was cleaning up mom's mess when he married her. He was cleaning up my mess by putting me in the god foresaken lease, he was cleaning up Melissa's mess when she had her car accident and needed a new vehicle. He wasn't being a father to us. He was doing my mom a favor by cleaning up our messes. Suddenly it was beginning to make some kind of sense. What I didn't understand was why he continued to help my sister when she did nothing but contact him only when she needed money or something. He said I never tried. I never did anything. And to that I saw it is nothing but a huge load of BS.

I admit I didn't remain in contact with him much after that.. but then I heard about my Grandpa passing away. I swallowed my pride and went over to pay my respects. I talked with other family members and promised them I would be at the funeral. I was just getting ready to leave when I was asked if I would sing at the funeral. If my sister had been there to practice with me, she could have too- but she was unable to get there for the rehearsal with the Pianist. She wasn't even there for the funeral. What do I hear after that?

I didn't go to the funeral to pay my respects. I went only to sing. I was a fake.

Finally I had enough. I was done. I wrote him off. I wasn't going to let him talk about me like that and pretend to keep a smile on my face whenever he was around. Uncle Lynn had wanted me to keep in touch. I wanted to. And Cousin Marie and Dennis... Even now, only Cousin Jenny is keeping in touch with me. I just couldn't take him trashing me like that. I sat by and watched him help my sister time and time again, knowing that she was using him. She only remained on good terms with him because she knew he would be there to help her if she needed help later. I asked for his help once in college when it came to that truck.. he should have known then that this was going to be a problem. Anyone else would have known anyway. Otherwise I never asked him for anything. Okay- one other time that I tried to live with him. He swore up and down he had changed his ways and I needed out of the home I was in.

Ever try being 20 years old, working 2 jobs and having a curfew?

I was quiet when I came home. I stayed to myself. He got angry when my husband (who was only my fiance at the time) got sick and I wanted to stay a couple days at my fiance's home to keep an eye on him. It was like I was not allowed to have a life outside of work. He made it obvious he didn't like Eric. He thought Eric was "just a phase" that I would get over. Well he wasn't. This Wednesday will be 4 years of marriage. Eric and I have known each other almost 10 years total now. I think that proves that he is more than "just a phase".

And my sister's wedding... There's a joke. He spent the night trying to keep giving my mom drinks that she didn't want. She had changed from her old ways and he didn't seem to believe it. Like he kept wanting to prove what he said about her at my wedding. He sulked and snapped. He avoided me which worked to my mom's advantage as I stayed near her. I had brought the girls with me and they played with their cousins. It was cute. I got to see family who actually WANTED to see me. He never once tried to talk to me that night. Not ONCE. The one comment I do remember hearing from him to my mom: "At least ONE of our kids is happy." I was guessing he was referring to Melissa and Shaun who.. were ... not exactly the happiest couple on their wedding day.. there were a few things going wrong behind the scenes I guess that I opted not to get involved in.

But here is the thing that sparked this rant. That blasted Lease... You know, I find it hard to believe that a company as big as GMAC can't find someone who owes them money. My other creditors were always able to find me no matter where I went. The even more surprising part of this is that this dept didn't even turn up when the military did it's background check on me when Eric had applied to join the Air Force, and my financial record was combined with his as a joint thing. He is just as much responsible for my debts now as I am and yet the Air Force didnt' come up with this one... I had been under the impression it had been take care of somehow when I quit getting phone calls and notices and the military didn't flag it.

2 years ago I get a call that Dan is looking for me, wanting my phone number. Odd considering I heard he took me out of his will. Even odder still is he claims to still be a grandfather. Now.. how is that possible when he only claims my sister and she doesn't have any kids? It REALLY doesn't make any sense. He wanted nothing to do with me. So I got his phone number from my sister and called him. (smartly I called him from my cell phone not my home phone). He told me that GMAC was really starting to get to him about this debt. I told him then, I stay at home ith the girls. I have no money of my own and Eric and I were barely getting by. There was no way I could handle that. Especially on my own. GMAC hadn't even been willing to work out payments that were reasonable for me. They wanted like $200 or $300 a month or so to clear the debt up in 2 years max. I can't do it that way. Not when we are trying to barely raise 2 kids. Luckily there is no hope for anymore or else we would really be screwed. If GMAC had been willing to work with smaller payments, like maybe $50 a month then maybe I could see us working out something, but they never were willing to go that low even when I tried to fight with them about it.

Anyway, I told him all this and he hung up. the call lasted like less than a minute. But I made sure he knew that I just couldn't do it. It wasn't that I didn't want to- I just couldn't do it under their restrictions. There was no way.

Things were quiet for 2 years. Not a word was said. I got no notices, no phone calls. My mom was left alone, my sister never said anything. I thought maybe he had taken care of it. I thought foolishly that maybe he had just decided to wipe me out of his life completely by getting rid of that too. WHy not? He always did things like that for my sister. But then again.. I was just never as good as my sister. She was the good one in his book. The one who only called him when she needed something and SHE was the good one. She was always the innocent one and the one that could do no harm.... I hate that he thought that way of her. Or at least acted like it.

But now... I get a message from my mom. Melissa is being used as a go between. Dan is mad at something again and now is going after everyone. He wants money my mom had barrowed from him. He is stirring up trouble for her and her new boyfriend again. He was fine when she was alone. But now that she is happy again with a promise ring to show for it, suddenly he is there to ruin her life once again. And in the process ruin mine. He says GMAC wants to take him to court over this now. He wants my address because he says they want to work this out through me and not him. Well... Melissa doesn't contact me. I don't know where she lives, she only knows I am in Washington. Everything is in Eric's name as I am only a dependant. But still... My other creditors were able to find me within the first week of moving out here. I guess his not knowing where to find me helped for a little while.

I am not denying that it needs to be taken care of. I wasn't even really trying to hide from it. They quit contacting me even when they had my address. So I just assumed.. guess I shouldn't have done that. I have an old notice from GMAC from like 4 years ago... I can contact them... But what can I do that I haven't already tried to do? And why should I pay for milege on that truck that I didn't put on it? He has money due on it just as I do. Granted mine is more, but still, he owes on it to.

I swear he is just doing this out of spite. Maybe I am wrong for thinking the way I am, but I can't help it. He has done so many unforgivable things. He brought this separation upon himself. My only response to forget I even existed as far as I am concerned... You were never REALLY a father to me. You tried to pretend but I lived in fear of you as a child. A child should never live in fear of their parents. I hid in my room which shut me out of everything. It was something I had grown accustomed to and always did the rest of my life. Even now I stay away from others. I can't handle being out in open places with lots of other people. I would rather stay by myself most times or with just 3 or 4 good friends. You trapped me in that paper when I was too young and stupid to know what I was getting myself into. Now you expect me to deal with it alone. Sorry- but you owe some on that too. Not just me. I may owe more, but you have to take care of what you said you would cover as well. It isn't just me. You will never have my address. Never have my phone number. I will contact them. Don't know what I will say, but I will...

I admit I have VERY little respect for you. The things you have said and done... makes you look like a child who needs to grow up. So do us all a favor and quit throwing your tantrums. Just because Mom is happy again, doesn't give you the right to ruin it. LEAVE US ALL ALONE!!!